July 11, 2024|ה' תמוז ה' אלפים תשפ"ד Show Parents & Grandparents of IDF Soldiers That You Care
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For many in Israel, on the surface, life is going on as normal. Children are in camp, coffee shops and malls are full, families are taking vacations, some within Israel and others abroad. And yet, beneath the surface, as the war continues to rage in the South and the threat of war erupting in the North looms, nothing is truly normal.
That is true for all who live in our homeland, but it is most true for those with family members serving in the IDF. At the beginning of the war, several people commented that when asked if they have relatives in Israel they answered, yes, seven million. If you are part of Am Yisrael, the Jewish people, then you must be Im Yisrael, connected to our brothers and sister and caring about them. That makes every soldier our son or daughter, our brother or sister.
And yet, while we must have concern and unease for all of our family, we cannot begin to compare to actual parents and grandparents of soldiers, many of whom haven’t exhaled or slept in nine months.
This past week, we hosted a dessert reception for parents and grandparents of IDF soldiers in our BRS community to gather, shmooze, enjoy delectables and, most importantly, give chizuk, strength, to one another. I listened intently to the reflections, thoughts, stories, fears,, worries and tremendous faith of this wonderful group as they went around introducing themselves and describing who they have in Israel and what they are doing in the IDF.
It hurt to hear how many described their children or grandchildren losing commanders, fellow soldiers in their units, and living with the loss while continuing to fight. Many described incidents in which their child or grandchild survived situations in combat that could have cost them their lives.
All talked about trying to live ordinary lives and go about their business while in the background of their minds there is the constant worry and fear, concern for their child or grandchild. They wake up several times a night, they incessantly check the news. Each time the phone rings or buzzes their heart skips a beat. Every Shabbos they are anxious for Havdallah and to be in touch with what is happening and to confirm their loved ones are ok. Parents described worrying not only about their child in the IDF but about their own parents and how they were dealing with it. Grandparents shared how concerned they are not only for their grandchild serving but for their children and how worried they are.
I was asked to wrap up the evening with a thought and to give some chizuk. Despite feeling utterly unqualified, I shared the following: I told these parents and grandparents how much I am in awe of them and their families. That they all clearly did something incredibly right and righteous in producing progeny who would voluntarily move to Israel or who courageously serve as lone soldiers in the IDF and who are putting the safety, well-being, and future of Am Yisrael on their shoulders. They should be overflowing with pride and satisfaction.
I mentioned that for 2,000 years Jews gathered to give chizuk to one another as we were helpless and passive victims of persecution and oppression, of being exiled and surviving extermination. The gathering this night is to strengthen each other as children and grandchildren have the honor to don the uniform of the Jewish army that is not waiting for others to determine our fate but who are courageously and bravely fighting, eliminating enemies, purging the world of evil.
I mentioned that Rav Shlomo Aviner, Rosh Yeshiva of Ateret Kohanim and Rav of Beit-El, was asked about soldiers reciting a beracha of Shehechiyanu when receiving their weapon. He provides a long Halachic explanation and defense of why he feels a Shehechiyanu is warranted while conceding the need to own a gun is sad and unfortunate. His closes his argument by saying:
The fact that we have guns shouldn't elicit sadness that we still have wars and conflicts. Indeed, the opposite is true, it should elicit happiness that we have merited to be an am chofshi b'artzeinu (free nation in our homeland), that we have an established Jewish government, we have an army and a police force, that we are no longer the punching bag of the wicked nations, but rather we have the capacity to protect ourselves. Would it even occur to you that when the War of Independence began and we had weapons in our hands to defend ourselves after 2,000 years of Jewish blood being spilled freely, that one shouldn't recite shehechiyanu with joy and gladness?! That joy continues to carry us and protect us from then until now. And for that reason, a Shehechiyanu should be recited when an Israeli soldier puts on his or her IDF uniform for the first time.
Rav Aviner ends his responsa by quoting his Rebbe, Rav Tzvi Yehudah Kook zt"l who wrote: "Fighting to protect our homeland is a mitzvah, the mitzvah of all Klal Yisroel. Therefore, everything connected with it, every gun and every weapon that is our response to our enemies, everything associated with establishing and protecting malchus Yisroel, Jewish sovereignty, it is all kodesh."
I told these parents and grandparents their children are holy people engaged in the holy endeavor of protecting the Jewish people and as the ones who produced such holiness they should be filled with pride.
Most of the observations they shared that night were understandable and even predictable. But there was one more theme that emerged from many of the participants that evening that I hadn’t fully appreciated until then and it is something we can all make an effort to do better on.
While here in Boca Raton, though these parents and grandparents look like they are living normally, nothing in their lives feels normal right now. It is hard enough to live with constant worry and fear, but it makes it much worse to do so feeling alone or that others don’t acknowledge or care.
Several described that when they interact with friends in shul or elsewhere in the community, and aren’t even asked how are their children and grandchildren in Israel, what is the latest they’ve heard from their child or grandchild serving in the IDF, it is hurtful and leaves them feeling alone. Loneliness compounds the tension and pain of navigating these difficult times. Some mentioned foolish and even hurtful questions or comments that are made, worse than not saying anything at all.
The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (6:6) tells us that one of the 48 ways that Torah is acquired is nosei b’ol im chaveiro, carry the burden with your friend. When someone we know and love is struggling, our mandate is to lessen their burden, to carry it with them and ensure they don’t feel they bear it alone. When we demonstrate that we care, when we are mindful to acknowledge difficulty, we are nosei, we lift the burden which makes it just a bit lighter for the one who has to carry it with them constantly.
In our Weekly, we have a list of children and grandchildren of members of our community currently serving and fighting in the IDF. Take the time to read it. Daven for them. When you see their parent or grandparent, say something, ask how they are doing, and show that you care. It is the least we can do to lift the burden and make it just a bit lighter.
This beautiful group of special people will continue to gather to give and receive chizuk. May the next gathering be a seudas hoda’ah to celebrate the victory over our enemies, the return of the hostages, and all of our soldiers being safe and secure.